Blog Post 018

The whole point of this blog is for me to be honest - so here comes honesty.

I’m tired, I’m drained and I’M EXHAUSTED - and I feel such a relief saying that.

Sometimes I feel like everyone thinks I’m their emotional punching bag (and I know it happens to you too) but - what happens when you need to punch someone else? Nothing - because people aren’t used to you punching back. 

Besides that - let’s talk about anxiety - damn.

It creeps up on you at anytime of day, no matter what you’re doing and/or how you’re feeling - guess what, she (yes my anxiety is a she - because she’s a bitch) doesn’t care.

This week and last week where complete hassle fest - I had alot of errands to run (and I mean one everyday after work .. in Maltese traffic) .. and I still do till the end of the week, the whole revamp of OC and  the new plans that are coming around - safe to say that I’m only looking forward to sleeping in between all of this nothing more.

I’m just existing and not living - why? Because I packed my own schedule up to the brim and forgot that I need time to emotionally process everything .. the first sign that popped up was me sleeping 9 hours everyday (that is not normal for a 22 year old) - I continued to ignore it up until my mind is now fried. 

I’m not going to say it’s ok - I’m going to openly admit in myself that I expected better from me. 

We all get lost in planning and packing our schedules and wanting to do exciting things but - what if your mind and body are done with it? How would you react? 

My honest reaction right now is to fuck off to another universe, take a nap and make sure to come back here when all the hassle and chaos passed BUT that is not realistic.

I have acknowledged that you know what - I’m existing but I will be living once that this effort (hopefully) all works out. 

Sometimes, we focus on the negatives - we cast such a negative light on everything that we forget to enjoy the moment, the hassle and the chaos.

You will only plan your first blog post once - enjoy it.

You will only get married once, plan your own wedding - enjoy it.

You will only have one first time in your life - live it. 

The one person I truly ever looked up to and admired comes to mind - Mac Miller - I often tend to have his songs stuck on loop in my mind and today I was blessed by this phrase of his : 

“When you feel sad, it’s okay. It’s not the end of the world. Everyone has those days when you doubt yourself, and when you feel like everything you do sucks, but then there are those days when you feel like Superman. It’s just the balance of the world. I just write to feel better.”

And that is the most relatable thing I have read in a while - these days will happen, we will go through them.

We will grow though our anxiety, we will flourish from our little “sad” days and will truly kick ass when we feel like superman. 

With that - today was a sad day, I feel like this post is pointless but - I will give it to you anyways because who knows, little me would’ve loved to know that sad days are normal.

Feel your emotions, Embrace them - they’re the one thing that are truly yours. 

Peace and Love, 

Your Fav Local Writer, 

OC