Blog Post 016

I was ready to call tonight a night, got my book and started reading but then this random thought came into my head - how do we handle life after loss? (Weird I know) 

I always wondered if there was a right or wrong way to handle it, I have lost family members (not the close ones) and I have also lost friends (still I wouldn’t say ones that matter) but it doesn’t feel right to say that maybe, they weren’t that important. 

Now all I can say is I do not process emotions in the right way - not at all, I have a tendency due to my past trauma to laugh when my life goes south or I receive bad news (you can guess how I react when someone dies) but then, the whirl wind of emotions hit.

Should I cry? Should my life also end? Should I just - stop?

I don’t believe that there is a right or wrong way on how to grief in life .. some deaths hit different than others and the relationship or bond that you might’ve had with one person isn’t what you had with the other.

That doesn’t mean that people won’t fail to judge you (something that we all do come on)

We’re all humans and we all feel emotions, sometimes you might get into a heated argument with your mom / dad / friend .. whoever and maybe shit talk them abit (we all do it) and then when they die the sappy memories start coming round and people will say “oh, she forgot how much shit she spoke about them” well yeah karen my emotions got the best of me.

That doesn’t mean that you never loved them or that you don’t care about them - it just means that your emotions got the best of you and it’s ok (to a certain extent)

After we lose someone, we tend to go into this spiral of “oh I should’ve called” or “I could’ve visited more” but, that might be your conscious playing tricks on you (or it might not be and maybe yea, they did deserve a call here and there).

Let’s be honest, life can get hectic and you tend to loose sight of what matters the most - sometimes you’re choosing whether you should sleep in on a Sunday or visit your gran (happens to me too) and guess what, sometimes yes, my bed does win. I’m not going to lie or sugar coat it, we don’t live forever (no one does) and we do not know when our expiration date is about to hit .. so before it does, act on it. 

It’s ok to cry your eyes out after someone dies and it’s ok to feel like your life is falling apart - what is not ok is letting the old negative memories hit and potentially ruining your life (and I say this from experience).        

I once had a friend that lost a very important family member (it was kind of expected due to sickness) yet, my friend was in denial up until the very last minute. She ended up being diagnosed with anxiety and with a super sensitive stomach (if this is you, I hope you’re better now) - what I mean to say by telling you this is that, sometimes it hits us by shock .. our body will start shutting down and will face a very big mental challenge. This all depends on how you want to live life after loss. 

This is where you can control your mind after loss, whatever person you lost or however you lost the person the one thing I tell both my friends and my family members is “that’s how their story had to end”.

No matter on how many things we could’ve said, done or even interfered with if that is the way the story was meant to end, then so be it. Now some might say, come on you just said you never lost anyone super important or close to your heart, how can you give out that piece of advice .. sure I might’ve not lost someone super duper important but loss still hurts, we as humans are wired to be egoistic. 

We would rather have someone here on this earth who is sick, hurt and in pain then let them go. 

The person in question, might be in pain, sad, tired and wanting her / his soul to rest - who are we to stop it? Why should we stop it? 

Only one thing will help you become at peace with this decision - love and appreciate them whilst they are still here, help and nurture them whilst they are still healthy and let them go when it’s their time to leave. 

Even the prettiest of flowers will die someday. 

Peace and Love,

OC